Choosing God’s Voice Over Fear and Approval

A Reflection on People-Pleasing, Calling, and Courage

I am a member of Valorie Burton’s Successful Women’s Academy. Each month, she guides us through a journey of self-coaching and community—work that helps us align our lives with what matters most. For me, what matters most is living into God’s vision for my life.

Earlier this year, I faced a choice:
Would I keep following what others expected of me, or would I finally trust the path God and I have been shaping since the day I entered seminary? Would I keep listening to the loud voices around me—or the quiet voice within me, the one closest to eternity?

It should have been an easy decision. It wasn’t. Not until I understood why approval still had such a grip on me.

The Hidden Comforts of People-Pleasing

What I often forget is that people-pleasing once felt like protection.

It convinced me that if I did what others wanted, they would like me more.
If I followed the rules of those “wiser” than me, I wouldn’t make mistakes.
If I listened to the already-successful, I might become successful too.

Or so I thought.

So when I read Valorie Burton’s words—“Sometimes, I need to stay the course. Sometimes, I need to forge a new path”—I paused. I could feel a younger version of myself whispering for permission to leave behind the approval-driven habits I developed during those graduate-school years of pleasing professors and institutions.

Her voice was quiet, but she was right. And so I decided to follow her wisdom, without the safety net of grades or affirmation.

It was not pretty.

When Fear and Discernment Meet

Anyone who has ever done something new—or done something familiar in a new way—knows how loud the critics can get, both internal and external. That still, small voice within, the one God uses to nudge us forward, can easily be drowned out by the bully called fear.

In Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert describes a healthier way to live with fear. She writes that fear’s job is to keep us alive, safe, and aware. It is not the enemy. It’s simply not the boss.

Fear can ride along—but it cannot drive.

She writes, “The less I fight my fear, the less it fights back. If I can relax, fear relaxes, too.”

So I decided to stop fighting fear. To acknowledge it, honor its purpose, but refuse to let it lead my life, my calling, or my creativity.

That decision changed everything.

Letting Others Be Who They Are—and Staying True to Who I Am

The cautious people in my life kept being caring, offering advice to help me “stay safe.” But this time, instead of absorbing their anxiety, I simply thanked them…and kept going. Their fear came from their past, not from my present, and I didn’t need to prove that to them. I just let them be them and continued being me.

The critical voices kept doing what they do best. But I stopped trying to correct them. I didn’t defend myself. I didn’t shape my decisions around their approval. I listened, nodded, and kept walking in the direction God pointed me.

Looking back, every moment of spiritual or creative success in my life has been marked by the same pattern:
I let fear be fear—and I acted anyway.

When I performed my one-woman show in Scotland, New York City, Atlanta, and Washington, D.C., I was afraid every single time. But I still walked on stage.
When I preach—whether dramatic sermons or traditional ones—I am definitely afraid. But I preach anyway, without needing anyone to shout “Amen” in return.

Every time I choose courage over approval, every time I let fear ride but not drive, I end up doing something I love. And doing what I love always brings me closer to God—and closer to humanity.

This Is the Work: Not Fighting Fear, But Moving With God

Remembering these moments strengthens me for the next time fear rises. But the real transformation lies in refusing to waste energy trying to eliminate fear altogether.

Fear doesn’t need to disappear for us to be faithful.

We simply must choose which voice we will follow.

A Question for Your Journey

What about you?
How is your relationship with fear—and whose voice are you choosing to follow?